My nipple is on Facebook.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
