I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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