Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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