So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
