and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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