Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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