You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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