I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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