I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
