haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
