So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
