i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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