my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
