Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
