Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
