Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Shame - the story of my life.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
