Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
