We're like a lot better than the average bears
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize