You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Randomize
