dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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