Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
