Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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