so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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