he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
