I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
