Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
