the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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