In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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