Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
