I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
