ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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