Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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