goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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