I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
