So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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