I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
