just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
