you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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