3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
