Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
