You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
