i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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