i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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