I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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