just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
