Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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