this just has baby written all over it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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