I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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