If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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