so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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