Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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