I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
