There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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