Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
