I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
