she looked like the bat from fern gully.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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