Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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