That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
