Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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