don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
