I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
