How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize