im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
