So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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