If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
