You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize