i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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