i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize