I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
